Mom-dependence

Independence. How drastically different we view that word throughout every season of our lives.

As children we are completely dependent on our parents. We depend on them for food, to comfort us, and to teach us. Slowly but surely we begin taking steps, feeding ourselves, sleeping through the night (maybe?), and being able to communicate what we want or don't want. As children we are so excited to be "big" and do things for ourselves...as parents it is bittersweet. While most of the time we can't wait for our babes to become slightly more independent and we are so proud of their accomplishments, we also long to hold onto and snuggle them one more time before they get even a single minute older.

Then those sweet little babies who spit sweet potato back in our faces and giggled endlessly, become teenagers. They cant wait until they can drive, or date, go to a football game, graduate, move out on their own, get a job...wait...what? Just kidding, Excuse me while I hop right back on the dependent train. Getting a big girl job and paying our own bills was so not what I signed up for. Just drive me right on back to dependent town, drop me off, give me all the rules, and we'll call it a day. Unfortunately that isn't how it works and independence was delivered to me in a big ole giant package stamped "reality check x 2".

It's funny how after we have coveted something for so long and finally gain it, how quickly we are to cash it in. When we got married, Brandon and I were able to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted. Dinner dates, movie nights, hang out with friends, watch movies until 2AM, eat ice cream for dinner, use all the hot water, sleep in until 10, and now we are slaves to our children. We get up anywhere from 5AM-7AM depending on how long they sleep. We have to rely on a babysitter and plan a week in advance to go on a date. Our showers are last. We have to feed kids 3-5 times a day and if there's ice cream in the house its likely that we wont get a bite unless we sit in the bathtub and eat it silently, and in the dark. Our bed has been invaded every night for almost 4 years. We have to keep cleaning supplies out of reach and most of our dishes are plastic. We have to listen to "Trolls Radio" on Pandora and usually end up watching 'Boss Baby' on movie night.

Sometimes I think back to the days where I was able to sleep in my own bed with out getting a busted lip or a foot jammed up under my rib cage, but if I could give back every hug, kiss, silly saying, all night rocking and nursing session, holding my babes while they scream from an ear infection, swimming lesson show down, or how they randomly put 'f's' in all their words... shakfy, stinkfy, yuckfy, jumpfy...for all the independence and hours of sleep in the world, I wouldn't trade it in for a second.

I have earned my Mom-dependence, and I am totally okay with that (yes, I am singing the Destiny's Child song in my head and now you are too, so just go ahead and 'throw your hands up at me'). For now, we'll just be over singing Frozen at the top of our lungs, and changing Barbies outfit 678 times a day. If you don't hear from me soon...we're still kickin, just send Starbucks!

-Beka